It's interesting how things change and flow in our lives, sometimes fluidly, sometimes feeling like a u-turn and sometimes feeling like you hit a wall and never saw it coming. No matter the method, the end result should be the same - learn from the situation and grow, focus on what is really important and implement real change if it is necessary in order to keep from going down the same path again.
Or at least that is the theory.
All of the experiences in our lives shape us in some way and for me, I usually find myself wondering 'how in the world did I end up here?' after the ones that really didn't go the way I wanted them to. But that's a valid question, I think, because we can get SO wrapped up in the 'now' that we lose sight of where we are headed and that the brick wall is indeed looming. And when we don't see it coming and it's too late to pump the brakes to avoid the impact, it's inevitable that feelings get hurt and self evaluation begins. Because I process through things emotionally first then rationally, I usually get upset first, everyone needs a good cry every once and a while anyway, right? Then the yucky stuff starts...the desire to eat everything not nailed down since I am a world class emotional eater, the late night rants to my best friend, the self examination checklist of what could I have done differently, how did I miss that this was happening, what can I do now, if anything to make it better or make it go away...I doubt I'm alone in this process, or I sincerely hope I'm not! And even if so, that's okay - because I have learned to own my feelings and try not to compare myself to others so much.
Which leads me to today. I am once again at a crossroads of sorts that I need to push forward for fear of falling into bad habits yet again, but I struggle with the actions that it will take to forge past the fork in the road and not take the path that is sure to end up in more pain for me. I am drawn to the wrong path for many reasons, not the least of which is my need to please everyone, usually at my own expense. And I really know that I don't want to be. But yet, often I do. And that frustrates me even more!
I am so blessed! I really am! I praise the Lord for SO many things in my life...His grace ~ oh my goodness what would I do without it?!?!? I need to focus on Him...I need to stop and give Him praise for His faithfulness and guidance in my life, even when I so often fall short. In times of growth there are bound to be growing pains, right? So I need to buckle down and push through, so that real change can come. I desire a stronger, real, in depth, in good times and bad relationship with God, so I need to be willing to put in my part. Just as in the other areas of my life where my happiness is lacking - nothing will change without some work and faithful steps in the right direction.
While this isn't one of my happy go lucky posts with pictures of food that I've been posting lately - it's one I needed to write. And maybe someone needs to read, only the Lord knows that. But I'm glad I'm pushing forward through my 'dealing with things process' and the tears have dried for now and I am ready to pray about the next step that God will have me take. Real change - honest, open, painful, raw emotions, big steps of faith , great reward at the end kind of change....That's my prayer!
I've probably shared this song before...but I'm playing it over and over today..."I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all....I'll stand my soul Lord to You surrended all I am is Yours" Check out the song/video
here . It's just good stuff...I can't make real changes alone - and I know God has put people in my life to lean on, depend on, and seek support from and I am so thankful for them!
Blessings to you all,
S
