Long time ago when we were trying to conceive the old fashioned way and I would get my period and know that yet again I was not pregnant that month, I decided to give myself a day to grieve, eat bad and just have my own little pity party. That tradition has carried true even with the advanced procedures going on in my body with the IVF cycle. I had an okay response with round one, but ultimately ended up with one embryo, not the best outcome, but still our little embryo now in crystorage. I remember the elation of the first phone call from the embryologist telling us the number that had fertilized. It was my 40th birthday and and awesome present and precious moment with my husband as we hugged each other and cried happy tears. By Friday that week we would find out that all but two had quit growing and one of the two was slowing greatly, then the next day we learned that only one made it to the freezing point. So I cried, different tears this time, but tried to be thankful for the one we had and determined to move forward towards cycle number two in hopes of better results.
Due to the infertility office being closed for the holidays and some misunderstandings about expectations, the end of November and all of December was quite frustrating for us as we waited for our instructions for the next cycle which would not come until mid January. Be thankful you didn't live with me. We'll just leave it at that.
This cycle was not as hard on me physically for some reason, maybe because the first one I was really unaware of how crappy your body can feel when it is all pumped up with crazy hormone medicine. Sixtish shots later and we are holding out hope for two embryos again, and I won't hear how they are doing until tomorrow. We are trusting in God's timing and plan, even though my heart aches for the eggs that didn't make it for whatever reason and the empty follicles that fooled us into thinking we had more eggs than we did.
So yesterday I mourned, I cried, I ate bad, though not really too bad because I was still feeling kinda puny. We had takeout Japanese food for supper and it was really yummy since I hardly made an effort to do anything yesterday, let alone cook. Heck I never took a shower. Yeah it's gross, I know, but it is what it is. I had my self pity day.
Today is a new day, I am praying for God's strength as we wait for the news tomorrow. I have plenty of work to do today to finish a custom order and do some planning for a busy Saturday with a scrapbooking day and my sister's house blessing that night. No time for laying around today. I am placing my trust in the Lord, and resting on the fact that He has never left me or forsaken me, even when I was convinced He had. He loves us and He will provide for us. He doesn't promise to answer all of our prayers our way or that our lives will be struggle free. He only asks that we follow Him, praise Him in ALL things and that's what I choose to do today.
Blessings to all who have come by here,
Stephanie
