Friday, February 13, 2015

No Grey No Shame

With all of the media frenzy about Fifty Shades of Grey coming out this week, there is a dividing line on my Facebook news feed with those proclaiming "I'm not ashamed, I'll be seeing it" to "You shouldn't watch it and here are 5 links to tell you why" and undoubtedly plenty more lurking in the background who secretly plan to see it or don't plan to see it and don't want to stir up opinions by stating their preference.

So here's the bottom line for me.  Hold on to your hats if you've come here thinking I've got a preachy, Bible filled reason why you shouldn't see the movie.  I read the first book in the series.  I caved to the curiosity the summer it was released when everyone was talking about it.  I have a long standing relationship with romance movies, novels, chick flicks and what my husband calls "woman porn" - all with the same outcome...girl ends up with guy in the end, usually after some type of sexual encounter that makes you feel all ushy, gushy, flushed and dreaming of prince charming to sweep you off your feet and whisk you away forever.  It's true and you know it - women are sucked in often times by the happily ever after notion and unrealistic expectations that it takes to get there. 

I watched a news segment this morning with 5 middle aged women (I'm 41 - I can say middle aged and realize I am included in that group) gushing over the books and movie and all aglow about seeing it together.  One of the newscasters commented - I'm all for letting your freak flag fly as long as no one gets hurt.  The next segment was about the expected rise in sex toy shops for handcuffs and ropes and riding chaps...well...you get the idea. 

Here's what I know about my personal experience with the book.  After reading the first, and a few pages into the second...I felt a nudging of the Holy Spirit reminding me that everything I do should be for the glory of God and that reading those pages, bringing that into mind and more importantly my marriage was not something I needed to be apart of.  I discussed it with my husband, almost in confession of reading the book, not to apologize but to say out loud (claiming it out loud if you will) that I was walking away from the words, mental images and unrealistic notions that reading books like that and watching movies in the same kind bring and instead opting to keep those intimate thoughts, conversations and desires solely for our bedroom between us - within the boundaries of our covenant marriage to each other ONLY.

If you're rolling your eyes, yet still reading on, hang in there with me a few moments longer.  I have watched my share of LMN movies, read my share of trashy romance novels and had plenty of ugly cry moments of "why can't I find a guy like that" and "why doesn't anyone love me that way" as a result of it.  I made a WHOLE BUNCH of bad decisions along the way in my life - giving more of myself up than I should to "get" a guy to like me, or "keep" a guy interested in me and I wish I could take it all back, erase it from my mind and my past...but that's not possible.  But I would love to spare someone the heartache of it all if anything I write here can do that.

Our God loves us so much and His desire in our lives is to be our one true love - unconditional, unwavering and perfect.  Not what you think of when you set out to watch a chick flick or read a romance novel?  Of course not - the world longs for us to follow the ways of the world - desires of the flesh and all of the marketing, purchases and money that can be made from it included.  Yet, filling our minds and hearts with all of those things often ends up in lonely nights, one night stands and poor decisions that lead to heartache.  I learned this the hard way, trying to fill a hole in my life not meant to be filled by Christian Grey or some doofy guy I met and just "knew" he was the right guy for me. 

I am so incredibly blessed to have my husband in my life.  I love him in a ridiculous way and am truly honored to be his wife - and I seriously mean that.  I want to honor him and our marriage by keeping it free from the crap the world says is entertainment, just for fun and harmless.  Ask a wife how harmless pornography, online sex chat rooms and extramarital affairs were in her marriage and I'll bet she won't say it was all for fun and made her feel all happy, loved and desired.  Pornography isn't just x-rated stuff watched by dirty old guys.  The very definition is printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings. 

"Rather than emotional feelings"...many women (myself often included) are driven by feelings...and I'm not saying if you watch this movie you'll go out and have an affair and ruin your life because your husband can't be Christian Grey or whatever hunky guy you've read about in a romance novel.  But why bring it into your life in the first place?  Is it really what you want in your life?  Would you watch it if Jesus Himself were sitting next to you in the theatre?  I certainly know I wouldn't.

Why not guard your mind, your heart, your marriage (even if you aren't married - your future spouse) by keeping those images, those ideas out of your life.  It's amazing how much time we can spend reading, watching tv, checking Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and on and on...but we "don't have time" to read our Bibles?  To be a part of a group Bible study?  Our lives on this earth are so fleeting...but having a relationship with God and growing, learning, changing as He lives in and through us...that has eternal promise.  We will mess up, make poor decisions, do things we know we shouldn't.   But we make choices every day.  Cheeseburger over fruit, watching tv instead of spending that hour on the treadmill, sleeping fifteen more minutes even though it means we will be yelling at everyone in our house to hurry up or we'll be late. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes not.  You won't go to hell for watching the movie, eating a cheeseburger or not exercising.  But we are called as believers to set an example - to rise above the world's craziness and live the way His words call us to.  Just because we CAN do it, doesn't mean we SHOULD (read 1 Corinthians 10 for a good basis for this, especially verses 23-33)  And that folks, is where the rubber hits the road.  You make your decision, I've made mine.  And I'm not ashamed to say - I choose NOT to watch this movie.

If you read this far - bless your heart - it was a long one...but it's been on my heart and I'm throwing it out there. Have questions?  email me (sdmorgan73@gmail.com) I am happy to discuss based on what I know, what I've learned from the Bible and what my husband and I feel is best for our marriage.

Hugs and love from chilly SC,
Stephanie