This is a picture of my mom, my sister and I at her high school graduation in June 1996. My dad had passed away in February that year and just four months after this picture was taken my mom passed as well. That year and many years after were the toughest of my life and I will never be the same because of it. It's not something you get over. You just move past it and trust that God will carry you through the rough days. Like Mother's Day. I am so glad to have had my mom for the twenty two Mother's Day that I did, but I of course wish now that I could go back and enjoy them a little more, savor that day a little more and appreciate the time I had with her while she was here a lot more!
This year is the first year in 16 years that I've 'celebrated' Mother's Day. When I was married the first time, my then husband's mom was also gone and we never had to celebrate. This year is different because my sweet husband RC has a mom who is still with us. She is a precious woman of God whom I've had the pleasure of knowing since I was a little girl and has accepted me as one of her children probably even before I became her daughter in law. I am very thankful for the man she helped raise and the values she taught her son because I am very much the benefactor of those years spent shaping and forming him! I will enjoy celebrating her day, but holding it together is going to be a challenge that I'll once again need God's help to bring forth the smile instead of the tears and enjoy the day with my in laws and my sweet husband. Though bittersweet, I am so happy that RC's mom is able to see him be married and happy once more, see her children and grandchildren growing up and be such a big part of all of our lives.
Mother's Day also serves as a somewhat painful reminder that while I've been a Nannie (aka second mom) to more kids than I can count anymore, I've never been able to be a mom myself. I am praying that God will choose to honor me with that one day soon either by giving RC and I a child of our own or opening the doors to adoption for us. I am trying to focus on the fact that I have a wonderful husband, family and friends and that no matter what God's plan is, that I'll continue to be thankful for the blessings in the life I have rather than focus on what the future holds. But it is hard. Really hard. I know that God's plan is sovereign and His timing is perfect. I am putting one foot in front of the other today, reminding myself of that with each and every step.
To all the mothers in my life and all those who happen upon my blog. Happy Mother's Day to YOU.
Blessings,
Stephanie
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