Thursday Thoughts

• It's a good thing I don't get paid to blog, 'cause I would have no paycheck this week. Life has been kinda busy
• I have a super busy weekend and I'm not at all prepared for it.  I'm going to be a vendor with my Creative Memories business at the Charlotte Area Mothers of Multiples sale this weekend...hoping for a great turnout!
• This week has been full of ups and downs and I feel a little kicked around to honest, but I certainly hope that I can get some peace soon
• A situation I've been kinda on the fence about how it's actually going, has made itself pretty clear in the past two weeks.  Funny how you can make something (or someone) a priority and then realize that you are the ONLY one who thinks it's important.  Perspective is an interesting thing.
• The stomach bug hit our house one week ago today and it was absolutely awful and I hope it never returns.
• I have completely failed on the Project 365 in the last week, but I will post some new pics by the weekend
• Eucerin calming creme is about the best lotion I've ever used, and I've tried everything for dry skin.  It rocks!
• I may be picking up another part time child, too bad I can't pick up some more sanity to go with her :)
• I took a bold step a week ago today, something I'll share about in another post, but so far I'd say I have mixed feelings about it. More to come on that.
• I need to get my spring outdoor projects ready to go, weeding, bush cutting, the fun stuff (BLECH!)
• I have a whole list of to do's that carried over from last week due to the stomach bug and I'm going to tackle some of it today...well I think I am...we'll see how that goes :)
• I think I'm all thought out for the moment.  Have a blessed day, S

Thankful for Things Thursday

Sometimes, when I have a series of bad days, I start to feel guilty for being so caught up in my own mess.  Does that make sense?  What I mean is, I have SO much to be thankful for, that the things in my life that are bothering me, well I just need to acknowledge that only I can make the changes to fix them and either do what needs to be done, or quit bellyaching about it.

I wrote recently about temptation and making decisions that are not the best for me, or trying really hard to make them.  Sometimes I feel so weighed down with the heavy decision making process that it 'feels' better to take the easy path rather than the right path.  But typically that path is filled with bad decisions, sinful behavior and destruction.  But I'm thankful to have God in my life, who gives me a nudge, sometimes even a push in the right direction when I'm headed astray.  Not to say that I always listen on the first try, but usually I end up falling in line eventually.

I am thankful today...

• that even though I tried really hard to make a bad situation worse recently, things didn't go the way I thought they would and I was spared the heartache that was sure to follow
• that my daycare opening has been filled with my previously cared for kids Peyton and Haila since their mom found a new job and is returning to work on Monday
• that I have a new day today to make better decisions and stay off the dang easy path and steer towards the right one
• that I have family and friends who love me, and help me even when they don't know that they are
• that I have a job I love
• that despite my shortfalls and sin, my God loves me and is still jealous for me

I am being motivated to make some changes in my life, both out of necessity and also out of sheer frustration with myself and finding myself in an impossible situation that only I can do something about (with God's help of course)  I've traveled this road unsuccessfully for many years, but really feel like it's key to me moving forward in my life.  So here's to the effort!

Today however, I am thankful, for the things I mentioned about and so many more...and just wanted to share.

Blessings,
S

Faith, Strength and Knowing Better

Sometimes you can't help but make bad decisions.  Well I don't if that's actually true.  But today it feels that way.  There are things in your life that just feel out of control and that you are just standing by watching it happen.  And it doesn't feel good.  There hasn't been some monumental bad event to happen to me recently, but I almost made a mistake recently.  One that I made last year and have been carrying with me as guilt since.  Trying to fill a void that can't be filled with earthly things I suspect, but sometimes I think I may never learn.  Luckily (although it doesn't feel so lucky at the moment) God intervened I would say and prevented me from traveling a familar path seeking approval, acceptance and reminded me that in fact I do indeed know better.

In the past few days I have put on my happy face, smiled, laughed, went through the regular life motions yet again all the while my mind running rampant about the things in my life and decisions I've made.  But I don't feel like I'm in control of my life.  Not really.  I want to move on from this place, and there are days I feel like I am.  But days like today, something (the devil himself, I'd guess) sucks me back into a pattern of thoughts, doubts and fears that make me think...what in the world is going on in my life.

I have faith that God knows all about my struggles, desires a REAL relationship with me and to fill the place in my life that I keep trying to clutter up with earthly 'stuff'.  I'll be honest though, I am struggling to find a place of balance in the everyday cycles of life that are pushing me towards the end result.  The earthly desires, selfishness, insecurties and just plain stupidity stand between me and what I know to be true, know to be genuine and the only thing that I can really count on.  God's love.  He gives it to me freely.  All I have to do is follow Him. 

Everyone has good days and bad. I get that. Sometimes it feels like you get stuck in a rut, letting everything overwhelm you and just not praying and planning before you make decisions.  I get that too.  I just really want the good days, the days that make sense, to outweigh the ones that just suck. 

I am working on a post about a lesson I just read in the "Crazy Love" book about being a lukewarm Christian.  It was an interesting look at how we live 'for' God, as long as it's not 'too much work or infringes on our life'.  It's not ready yet, but I'll work on that some more soon.

My prayer this week is to stop and pray before I make decisions that I already know I'm gonna regret.  Even as I am considering doing them.  I know better.  I know my faith tells me so.  I just need the strength to follow it.

Tuesday Thoughts

Well it's been an interesting week and it's only Tuesday.  Feeling sad for a dear friend of mine who is probably making the decision to have her almost 15 year old black lab named Betsy put to sleep sometime this week.  She has been steadily declining over the last year or so, but appears to be more and more uncomfortable and has now developed what appears to be a tumor on the side of her face.  They are supposed to see the vet on Friday this week and see what all is going on.  Pray about that if you will - anyone who has ever lost a pet understands...it's just an impossible situation, even if it's the right decision.

I started a post yesterday about the Boundaries lesson we did this Sunday, but didn't really like the way it was turning out so I junked it and moved on with my day, but it's still been nagging me in the back of my mind.  It discussed boundaries and your work, and the end of the discussion is what really struck me.  It asked about finding your life's work.  Well, I'm 37, so you'd think I'd have found it by now, wouldn't you? Well I'm not so sure.  I have been providing childcare in my home since 1996 and I LOVE my job.  But I do have a marketing degree and I love the business aspects of things too and might actually enjoy getting out of the house to work one day.  To quote the boundaries workbook on page 164 "Finding your life's work involves taking risks.  You need to firmly establish your identity, separating yourself from those you are attached to and following your desires.  You must take ownership of how you feel, how you think, and what you want.  You must assess your talents and limitations. And then you must step out as God leads you." (from Boundaries workbook by Cloud and Townsend) I sometimes feel like I've waited too long to get my life back after the things that have happened in the past.  I completely shut down after the death of my parents, but then tried to fix things by marrying my long time boyfriend whom I loved dearly, but we just couldn't survive the baggage and were divorced a number of years later.  I desire strongly to have a relationship in my life again, I miss spending time with a special someone.  I have made excuses as to why I haven't "put myself out there" again and have had one serious relationship since, but just not feeling like "myself".  That's why the study questions struck me like they did.  I have been having some inner dialogue about what am I doing? where do I want to go in my life? when am I just going to snap out of whatever this funk is?  I don't have the answers.  Or even the beginning of answers.  But I can pray about it.  And I'm just going to have to trust that God will reveal to me what HIS plan is.

Funny things happen sometimes when you just give things up.  Take the chance to say you know what daggummit....I'm all done stressing over this.  Either the Lord is going to work it out or He won't.  I tend to try to jump ahead a few steps and try to fix things all by myself.  No shocker there or great admission on my part.  I own that personality flaw 100%, or maybe 99.9%...surely sometimes it truly could be someone else's fault.  Ok fine, whatever. I own it...lol.  Just last night I made a decision about something in my life.  Prayed about it, woke up feeling good about letting go.  And this morning, the situation took a turn that I wasn't expecting or looking for today.  I still don't know the outcome, but even just a little bit of encouragement that I truly did feel like I was letting it be in God's hand, made for quite a sense of peace for things I can't control anyway.  I desire to trust Him more and me less.  To stop and pray before I react.  To not shy back and be courageous for what God has put into my life.

I'm going to stop for today. My head is full of what ifs and I know I need to just quit typing and pray. So that's what I'm going to do.

Have a good day everyone.
S

Frazzled Friday Feelings

I am blessed beyond belief.  For sure.  I know I take more for granted than some people are blessed with in their lives.  A roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, etc, etc, etc.  So why is I feel so frazzled?  I guess it's just the human aspect of my life, but I woke up frustrated again with several issues that I've been continually frustrated with for a while.  And it bugs me that I'm frazzled by it.  But yet I still am.

Proverbs 3:5-6 tells me "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight".  I know this is true, but I sure don't seem to be able to put this into practice.  I was SO tempted to put up a facebook status this morning to let someone in my life know that their actions hurt my feelings.  Perhaps I should just be direct with that person, but I struggle with that because, well I'm not so good with confrontation I'm just chicken.  This person is important to me, and I really think God has place him in my life for a reason, I'm just not quite sure what that is yet.  I have my own opinion about it, but who knows if it's the path God has chosen??  What I do know is I feel frazzled about it, I feel like I'm just 'not good enough' or 'not pretty enough' or 'not skinny enough', even though none of those things are the issue probably.  But it's the way I feel.

I am frazzled because my Aunt Jan, who isn't really a blood relative, but rather my mom's close friend whom I've known all my life and feel she is definitely part of my family, is quite sick and in the hospital following a fall that broke her ankle and caused some pretty significant damage on top of some other health issues she is already having.  I visited her once this week and plan to go back tonight to check back in on her.  She faces a long road of rehab and at least a few more weeks in the hospital and nursing home for rehab.  So I'm praying her up and also my Uncle Eddie, her husband, because he is very tired of hospital living already.

I am frazzled because of an empty spot in my home daycare that is causing a financial burden on me.  Circumstances just have not allowed me to fill it yet, but I certainly hope I can soon.  I hate owing people money and being late on bills.  It just drives me nuts.

Well, now after all that bellaching, I'm frazzled with myself for complaining, but sometimes it's good just to get it out of my system, right? Well I'm going with that theory either way.  So I'm going to try to look to the fact that it is indeed Friday and I have a weekend waiting for me.

Blessings to you all,
S

New Cousin and a New Happy Memory

Today would have been my dad's 70th birthday.  He passed away in 1996, but sometimes it feels like just yesterday.  Remembering his birthday is always kind of bittersweet, with memories of homemade cakes that he always said were wonderful, even if they were lopsided all the way to the year he died and spent his birthday in the hospital.  But today I have reason to remember and to celebrate!  My cousin Summer who've I've mentioned before on my blog, had her first child today in the wee hours of the morning, but enough to be declared a February birthday and share it with an uncle she will never know this side of heaven, but one day I might just tell her about her Uncle Bill...and now today holds yet another good memory.

So here she is...Sunny Lane...welcome to the family sweet girl....Happy Birthday to You :)