Well it's been an interesting week and it's only Tuesday. Feeling sad for a dear friend of mine who is probably making the decision to have her almost 15 year old black lab named Betsy put to sleep sometime this week. She has been steadily declining over the last year or so, but appears to be more and more uncomfortable and has now developed what appears to be a tumor on the side of her face. They are supposed to see the vet on Friday this week and see what all is going on. Pray about that if you will - anyone who has ever lost a pet understands...it's just an impossible situation, even if it's the right decision.
I started a post yesterday about the Boundaries lesson we did this Sunday, but didn't really like the way it was turning out so I junked it and moved on with my day, but it's still been nagging me in the back of my mind. It discussed boundaries and your work, and the end of the discussion is what really struck me. It asked about finding your life's work. Well, I'm 37, so you'd think I'd have found it by now, wouldn't you? Well I'm not so sure. I have been providing childcare in my home since 1996 and I LOVE my job. But I do have a marketing degree and I love the business aspects of things too and might actually enjoy getting out of the house to work one day. To quote the boundaries workbook on page 164 "Finding your life's work involves taking risks. You need to firmly establish your identity, separating yourself from those you are attached to and following your desires. You must take ownership of how you feel, how you think, and what you want. You must assess your talents and limitations. And then you must step out as God leads you." (from Boundaries workbook by Cloud and Townsend) I sometimes feel like I've waited too long to get my life back after the things that have happened in the past. I completely shut down after the death of my parents, but then tried to fix things by marrying my long time boyfriend whom I loved dearly, but we just couldn't survive the baggage and were divorced a number of years later. I desire strongly to have a relationship in my life again, I miss spending time with a special someone. I have made excuses as to why I haven't "put myself out there" again and have had one serious relationship since, but just not feeling like "myself". That's why the study questions struck me like they did. I have been having some inner dialogue about what am I doing? where do I want to go in my life? when am I just going to snap out of whatever this funk is? I don't have the answers. Or even the beginning of answers. But I can pray about it. And I'm just going to have to trust that God will reveal to me what HIS plan is.
Funny things happen sometimes when you just give things up. Take the chance to say you know what daggummit....I'm all done stressing over this. Either the Lord is going to work it out or He won't. I tend to try to jump ahead a few steps and try to fix things all by myself. No shocker there or great admission on my part. I own that personality flaw 100%, or maybe 99.9%...surely sometimes it truly could be someone else's fault. Ok fine, whatever. I own it...lol. Just last night I made a decision about something in my life. Prayed about it, woke up feeling good about letting go. And this morning, the situation took a turn that I wasn't expecting or looking for today. I still don't know the outcome, but even just a little bit of encouragement that I truly did feel like I was letting it be in God's hand, made for quite a sense of peace for things I can't control anyway. I desire to trust Him more and me less. To stop and pray before I react. To not shy back and be courageous for what God has put into my life.
I'm going to stop for today. My head is full of what ifs and I know I need to just quit typing and pray. So that's what I'm going to do.
Have a good day everyone.
S
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